Shadow PersuasionGet the book

Learn the hidden rules of power. Stop being pushed around and start getting what you want.

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What you'll learn

Seven skills, in the order the book teaches them.

A practical guide to the unwritten rules that decide who gets their way at work, at home and in relationships.

How power really works

Who actually decides at work, in families and in relationships, and the unwritten rules that shape those decisions.

Part I, chapters 1 to 5

Spot manipulation and pressure

Guilt, favors called in, the silent treatment, charm, fake urgency, a story that keeps changing, and how to tell a bad moment from a pattern.

Part II, chapters 6 to 11

Say no and hold it

Pause before agreeing, say no without a long excuse, and repeat your answer when someone pushes.

Chapters 3, 5 and 7

Persuade people

Understand what the other person wants, ask questions about what they want, explain your case clearly, and handle pushback.

Part III, chapters 12 to 16

Negotiate and ask for more

Ask for more money, better terms and credit for your work, and build alternatives so you are not stuck with one answer.

Chapters 17 to 19 and 23

Use it with real people

Bosses, coworkers, clients, partners, exes, parents and friends, plus pressure from groups and online.

Part V, chapters 23 to 27

Make it a habit

The 21-Day Power Reset: a few minutes a day of small practices, with a journal page for each day.

Part VII, chapters 31 to 34

Not tricks to control people.

Every technique is one you could explain openly to the person affected.

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Free US shipping · Digital copy tonight · 30 days from delivery: return the book for a full refund

34

chapters

7

parts, in order

21

days of practice

346

pages in print

Mom

After everything I've done for you, you can't do this one thing?

You've done a lot for me, and I'm grateful. I still can't do this.

An example from Chapter 7

How the book handles a guilt trip.

Past help turned into a debt.
Saying no now feels ungrateful.

The reply agrees with the true part (they have helped you) without agreeing you now owe this favor. The book pairs examples like this with an explanation and a reply you can use.

Part II of the book

7 tactics people use to get a yes, and how to answer each one.

What each one sounds like, and a reply from the book.

The first one is open. Tap any other card for its reply.

One incident is not a pattern, and a reply is not a verdict on someone's intent. The book shows how to tell a bad moment from a pattern (Chapter 6).

If there are threats, tracking or fear, skip the replies. Start with Chapter 11, When Pressure Becomes Danger, and get help before you change how you respond.

Before and after

The usual answer, and the answer from the book.

Your manager, Friday at 4:40

Need you on this over the weekend. It’s due Monday.

Oh, sure, no problem. I’ll make it work.

Let me look at what’s already on my plate and tell you in ten minutes.

The pause, Chapter 5

Shadow Persuasion: The Hidden Rules of Power with the journal and the three bonus guides

Everything you get

Shadow Persuasion: The Hidden Rules of Power

  • ✓The paperback, printed for you and shipped free (US)
  • ✓The digital edition tonight
  • ✓A 21-day practice journal and three printable guides
  • ✓60 days of the companion app (it never renews on its own)
$67Get the paperback →30-day money-back guarantee

Free US shipping · Digital copy tonight · 30 days from delivery: return the book for a full refund · One-time payment · Hardcover $97

Where you'll use it

At work, at home, with an ex, with clients.

At work

Chapter 23

A coworker repeats your idea in the meeting, the extra work never ends, or the raise is always "next time." What to send, what to say, and how to prepare your request.

With a parent or family

Chapter 26

Criticism on every call, comparisons, "after everything I’ve done for you," and one person doing all the care for an aging parent.

With a partner or an ex

Chapters 9 and 25

The silent treatment, "that never happened," and an ex who turns every pickup text into a fight.

Money and clients

Chapter 24

A client who wants more for the same price, a relative who keeps borrowing, and how to hold your terms.

When you’re the one asking

Chapters 15 to 17

Credit, pay, help, fair terms: how to explain your reasons, ask clearly, and decide your plan if the answer is no.

When you feel guilty saying no

Chapter 7

Favors that turn into debts, "if you loved me, you would," and saying no without a long list of reasons.

Real pages from the book

Read two pages before you buy.

Word for word. The second is a worked conversation where the other person pushes back. Each preview stops early; the rest is in the book.

79Chapter 8

The common ways a story changes

These are patterns to recognize, not labels to pin on anyone after one argument. They overlap, and you don't need to name which one you're facing.

Flat denial. "That never happened." "I never said that." Answer once, then move on: "I remember it differently. Here's what I need now."

Minimizing. "It was a joke." "You're too sensitive." They don't deny it happened. They deny it matters. You don't need them to agree it hurt: "Maybe it was meant as a joke. I'd still like you to stop."

Blame-shifting. "You made me do it." "If you hadn't pushed, I wouldn't have yelled." Separate your part from theirs: "I'm happy to talk about what I said. I'm not taking responsibility for what you did."

Fog. Long, circling answers. A new topic every time you get close to the point. Something you did in 2014. Pick one short sentence and keep coming back to it: "I want to come back to my question. Will you pay me back by Friday?"

From Chapter 8, page 79.

207Chapter 23

When the manager does nothing, or changes the story

Keisha sent the note. Glen didn't reply. A week later, he told the team the budget was tight, so the cost review would start now instead of waiting until spring. Tyler would lead it. When she asked him about it privately, his account of what happened had shifted.

Chapter 8, When the Story Keeps Changing, covers this pattern. The short version: don't argue about whose memory is right. Point to the record once, then ask about what happens next.

Keisha: "The analysis for the software idea is in the summary I sent you the Monday before. I'd like to lead the review, or at least present my findings."

Glen: "I thought that came from Tyler. It was a bit of a team idea anyway."

This is fog: credit spread so thin that nobody owns it. Keisha doesn't fight about the word "team."

Keisha: "Here's the email from the 3rd with my analysis. The numbers Tyler is pulling are already in it."

Glen: "Okay. I didn't connect the two. But I've already told Tyler he's leading it. Are you really this worried about who gets credit?"

From Chapter 23, page 207.

Open it to the page you need

What to say, and the page it's on.

Page numbers from the printed copy.

p. 69

“After everything I’ve done for you…” The reply that honors the past and still says no, without an argument about who owes whom.

p. 79

“That never happened.” What to say when someone rewrites the past, and how to move the talk to what happens next.

p. 89

Two days of silence after you disagree. The one sentence to say, and how to get on with your day without chasing a reply.

p. 98

The boss who keeps moving the goalposts on your raise, and the one sentence that names the original agreement.

p. 156

Five steps to prepare an ask, from your opening request to the least you will accept.

p. 299

How to say no without an excuse or a long explanation, and why extra reasons give people something to argue with.

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How to use it

Read the chapter you need tonight. Practice for 21 days.

1

Tonight

The digital copy arrives by email. Open the Situation Finder at the back and read the chapter for the conversation in front of you.

2

Days 1 to 3

The Quick Start: pause before an automatic yes, stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, then say one plain no.

3

Days 4 to 21

Notice your answers, put time between a request and your decision, make one direct request, and follow through. A few minutes a day, with a journal page for each day.

4

After that

When a hard conversation comes up, turn to the chapter that fits, or rehearse it in the app first.

Table of contents

34 chapters in seven parts.

Who really decides, the moves people use and the calm answers, how to make your case and negotiate, how to put it to work with a boss, a client, an ex and your family, and a 21-day practice. Tap a part to see its chapters.

PART ISee Where Your Power Goes+
  1. 1Power Is Having a Say. See why you can run a team at work yet fold when your brother calls, and four questions about who really decides.
  2. 2Read the Power Map. Learn to see who actually approves things at work or at a family holiday, so your idea reaches the right person first.
  3. 3The Rules You Never Chose. Spot old rules like "a good employee doesn't make a fuss" that rush you into yes, and choose a new one.
  4. 4The Voice That Keeps You Stuck. Learn when replaying a family dinner jab at 3 a.m. protects you, and how to swap endless rehearsing for one small step.
  5. 5Stay Steady Without Going Cold. Help a struggling friend without taking on her rent, her mood and your whole Saturday, by pausing before you offer anything.
PART IIStop Unfair Pressure+
  1. 6A Bad Moment or a Pattern?. Tell a partner's bad night from a real pattern by keeping a simple record, and decide your next step without labeling anyone.
  2. 7Guilt, Favors, and Hidden Debts. Answer guilt lines like "after everything we did for you" calmly, and take back a yes you gave too fast.
  3. 8When the Story Keeps Changing. When an ex remembers plans differently, keep simple records, settle the decision in front of you, and admit when you were wrong.
  4. 9Silence, Distance, and Conditional Warmth. Respond to a partner's days of silence or cool distance without chasing, giving in, or going cold yourself.
  5. 10Charm, Urgency, and the Slow Squeeze. Slow down a new romance, a deal or a sales pitch that rushes you with flattery, big promises and deadlines.
  6. 11When Pressure Becomes Danger. Recognize when a partner's control has become intimidation or danger, where to find help, and how to keep your phone safer.
PART IIIBuild Real Influence+
  1. 12Why People Push Back. See why a neighbor shut the door on a fair fence offer, and how to ask without deciding everything for them first.
  2. 13Listen Without Pretending to Read Minds. Learn to check what your spouse actually meant by "fine" instead of guessing, getting defensive and arguing about last year.
  3. 14Ask Questions That Open the Problem. Ask your team or your adult daughter questions that uncover the real problem, instead of questions that already contain your answer.
  4. 15Make Your Case Land. Build a case a cautious boss can say yes to, using his own concerns, real evidence and an honest weak point.
  5. 16Change the Frame, Not the Facts. Find the hidden assumption behind an objection and describe the choice in a fairer way, without spinning any of the facts.
  6. 17Ask for More and Negotiate Well. Stop talking yourself down before the meeting, prepare a clear request for your boss, and know your move if he says no.
PART IVPower Beyond the Conversation+
  1. 18Build Alternatives Before You Need Them. If one client, job or person pays most of your bills, learn to build a real backup option before you need it.
  2. 19Be Credible, Visible, and Clear. Make years of good work visible to the new manager who decides, instead of describing your job as "a bit of everything."
  3. 20Build Allies Without Creating Debts. Turn the goodwill you have built with coworkers and family into real allies by telling them what you need before the meeting.
  4. 21Lead Without Making People Dependent. Lead volunteers, staff or relatives so they can decide things themselves, instead of texting you nineteen questions during a wedding.
  5. 22Turn Agreement Into Action. Turn a friendly "let's do it" into an actual plan covering who does what, when, and who pays, before anyone spends money.
PART VPut It to Work in Your Life+
  1. 23Work, Pay, and Recognition. Keep the credit when a coworker repeats your idea, learn who really decides promotions, handle piling work, and ask for a raise.
  2. 24Clients, Customers, and Money Decisions. Raise your rates with longtime clients, walk away from a salesperson who won't let you leave, and handle relatives asking for loans.
  3. 25Dating, Intimacy, and Difficult Relationships. Keep messages with an ex short and about the kids, share decisions at home as equals, and pace a new relationship.
  4. 26Family, Friends, and the Roles That Stick. Answer a parent's weekly criticism as the adult you are now, and split an aging parent's care with clear owners and backup.
  5. 27Groups, Media, and Manufactured Pressure. Stay close to a daughter pulled into a high-pressure group, and judge ads and online stores by what they ask of you.
PART VIKeep Your Power Useful+
  1. 28When They Still Say No. When your boss keeps saying "next time," weigh your real options and make a plan you can carry out without his permission.
  2. 29Your Next Chapter Starts Here. When years of caring for a parent end, grieve the lost time and protect your newly free days from everyone else's plans.
  3. 30Power Without Becoming What You Resent. Say no firmly without the jabs and silent treatment you once got from others, and repair things when you slip.
PART VIIThe 21-Day Power Reset+
  1. 31Your Three-Day Quick Start. Spend three ordinary days practicing small changes: pause before saying yes, drop needless apologies, and give one plain no.
  2. 32Week One: Notice (Days 4 to 7). For four days, count your yeses, catch the habits behind them, and notice who is pressing on you and how.
  3. 33Week Two: Pause and Choose (Days 8 to 14). For a week, put time between a request and your answer, put limits on your yes, and make one direct request.
  4. 34Week Three: Hold and Follow Through (Days 15 to 21). In the final week, hold a no when someone pushes or sulks, propose fair trades, follow up, and repair your mistakes.

Included: 60 days of the companion app

An app that helps you answer a message and rehearse a hard conversation.

Paste a message or a screenshot and it suggests what tactic might be at work and a calm reply. It can't tell you someone's motive. Rehearse the hard conversation with an AI that plays the other person, and follow the 21 days on your phone.

60 days included. It never renews on its own. Keeping it after that is your choice, at $9.99 a month.

The companion app: a message, what might be going on, and a calm reply

What you get

Your printed book and digital extras.

Shadow Persuasion: The Hidden Rules of Power

The book

In print, and digital tonight

346 pages, paperback or hardcover, shipped free in the US. The digital edition arrives by email the moment you order.

Included guides (digital, printable)

21-day journal

21-day journal

Tactic Spotter

Tactic Spotter

Conversation Planner

Conversation Planner

Decision Cards

Decision Cards

Optional: 60 days of the companion app. Paste a message and get a suggested reply, or rehearse a hard conversation. It never renews on its own. Keeping it after 60 days is your choice, at $9.99 a month.

About the Book

Shadow Persuasion: The Hidden Rules of Power is 346 pages in print: 34 chapters in seven parts, with word-for-word replies, worked conversations where the other person argues back, and a Situation Finder at the back that sends you to the page for what you are facing.

The excerpts on this site are word for word from the book, and adapted scripts are labeled. Read them, try one, and decide for yourself. If it isn't for you, the guarantee below gets you your money back.

30-day money-back guarantee

Read it. Try the exercises. Then decide.

If the book isn't for you, email us within 30 days of delivery and send the book back. You'll get a full refund, no questions asked.

Choose your copy.

The same complete book and the same extras in both: the digital edition tonight, The 21-Day Power Reset Journal, three bonuses and 60 days of the companion app.

Free US shipping on both. One-time payment. You see your delivery date at checkout before you pay. Not available on Amazon.

Shadow Persuasion: The Hidden Rules of Power, paperback

The one you carry

Paperback

$67
The complete book, all 34 chapters
Fits in your bag, made to be underlined
Printed to order and shipped to you
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Shadow Persuasion: The Hidden Rules of Power, hardcover

The one you keep

Hardcover

$97
The same complete book, in hardcover
A sturdier copy for your shelf
Hardcover binding. Same book and digital extras.
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Questions people ask

The book in print, shipped to you (US only). Plus, emailed right away: the digital edition, The 21-Day Power Reset Journal, three bonuses (The Tactic Spotter, The Conversation Planner, and The Power Map and Decision Cards), and 60 days of the companion app.

More questions (12)

Most of them explain why you say yes. This one gives you words for the moment itself, usually in a warm, a direct and a final version, and worked conversations where the other person argues back the way real people do. Part VII is a 21-day practice of small exercises, so the new answer is familiar before you need it.

Stop being pushed around. Start getting what you want.

Learn how power and influence really work, answer pressure calmly, and ask for what you want openly.

Get the paperback, $67

Free US shipping · Digital copy tonight · 30 days from delivery: return the book for a full refund

P.S.Pick the conversation you are dreading next: the boss, the call, the text. Tonight, find its chapter in the Situation Finder, read the reply, and practice it before it happens. If the book isn't for you, email us within 30 days of delivery and send the book back for a full refund.

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Chapter 4, The Voice That Keeps You Stuck: why the perfect reply shows up hours late, and what to do when you keep replaying a conversation. We email it to you.

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